


What Point Is Enough?

by mageknight



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst, Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, im really tired, why is there two gerolau tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-02 18:31:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11515020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mageknight/pseuds/mageknight
Summary: Gerome, waiting for Laurent to give his nightly report, notices some odd things about him. Upon closer investigation, more is wrong than he originally believed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ((Okay. Okay.  
> In November I hit a rough spot. My life was not doing so great. I became very depressed and eventually forgot I had an Ao3. I only remembered because my brother mentioned the cannibal Laurent fic to me off hand.  
> Well, I didn't know how to feel about that. Because while November's nightmare has ended, I'm still not doing very well.  
> I, wrote this to cope with my feelings a bit and. I like to share stuff I make because it makes me feel better. A lot of what I've been writing recently has been poetry so, my style might seem off. Hopefully I will get back in the swing of stuff, because I do love writing. I do. And I have way too many FEA fic ideas. Laurent forgive me now.  
> But yes. Hiatus over? We'll see but. I'm gonna try.  
> Also I might. Do more chapters for this...  
> -Viti.

One never realizes how much information there is to find until they start keeping track of it. In this case, information came in organized journal after journal in the same format every ungodly hour in the morning. It’s all filed keenly and organized simply, while not shirking in content (Albeit sometimes growing rather personal). That’s how Laurent liked it, at the very least. It was fairly obvious to those who paid attention that he had some sort of acquired neurosis, but not many people did. Hold Gerome however. Gerome had noticed. They are friends after all.

 

In fact, Gerome did not even seem to mind it. Laurent absolutely has his quirks. Yet, at the same time, didn’t everyone? Noticing them, from the perspective of the younger, made their relationship less serious. Late at night, even if it is only a quick briefing, was a time for both of them to unwind while going over inventory or gossiping. Not that anyone needed to know. Laurent was off. However, it didn’t seem obnoxious that he was so persistent with his work, and Gerome could not complain about a tidy record.

 

Yet, such stark perfection is a high standard to hold. With that, it is easy to notice when one falls below their merit. That much became clear one night. The first red flag was Laurent being, exceptionally late for their post dusk rendezvous. It set Gerome off, but he gave the man the benefit of the doubt. Laurent always had a good reason for his actions be it he was re-balancing the armies budget for the sixth time over, or blowing things up with his parents. So Gerome waited. Waiting was never hard, he was a fairly patient person after all. 

 

So that was exactly as he did, and when fifteen minutes doubled, and that value doubled again, anxiety began to gnaw at him like a teething dragon. No, it was not Minerva this time. He found himself pacing in her stable where they normally conversed, muttering to himself. Gerome was not one to talk to himself by nature, he picked the habit up from Laurent.

 

“Perhaps… I should check in on him? I’m sure he is up to business as usual, but yet,” Gerome caught his breathe to phrase things just as they stood in his head. “Yet, I can’t help but fret for some odd reason.” Is what he settled on. Minerva flapped her tail in response to this, which likely meant she was listening. Whether she cared or not was something Gerome could not figure out. Either way, Gerome grew fussy with her, “You stay here, Miss.” Minerva gave him a look, and instantly Gerome felt weird. Minerva was like a grandmother to him. A very scaley, scratchy, loud and hungry grandmother. 

 

“Just… Just go to sleep” He blabbed while trudging out of the stable. The older Minerva swished her tail against the wall, scaring Cynthia’s pegasis in the next stall over. It was shocking that the whole camp was not awoken by whinnying. 

 

Gerome walked his normal route, turning one right early down the sea of tents to reach Laurent’s as opposed to his own. The night was quiet, he could only hear dead grass crunching under his feet. The camp was residing decently close to Ylisstol for once, being in the countryside down East. The altitude was low, so the stars were not as clear as opposed to when they were in a more mountainous region. Laurent says it’s light pollution, Gerome does not even know what that means.

 

Gerome threw open the flap to Laurent’s tent, and was caught off guard by what he saw. Laurent had fallen asleep on his “desk”, which was actually an empty crate. Laurent never slacked off, and could usually keep himself up late into the night. Upon closer inspection he was, in fact, working on his report for Gerome before he collapsed. Resting while working, was not normal. It was not odd for others but, not normal. What others do to relax, Laurent sees as taboo. 

 

Gerome knelt down next to him, and gingerly prodded the side of his head. With an incoherent mumbling of words, Laurent turned his head slightly so that Gerome’s hand was now on his cheek. He was awake, but only physically. Laurent fluttered his dusty eyes for a moment, trying to understand what in Naga’s teat was happening. He pulled himself up, and looked at the black glove that palmed his face. That is where he made the connection that Gerome must have woken him up. This is where he also made the connection that Gerome came to find and found him out cold.

 

The anxiety could not have kicked in quicker. “What time is it?” Laurent gasped, still not one hundred percent there. Gerome spoke bluntly, “Do you want an estimate?” He leaned over for the report “About ten past two.” Laurent went to choke something out, but could not manage so he went to swipe for the journal first. “Hold on! You can’t, it’s incomplete!” Laurent ripped the papers back from him, wheezing a bit too heavily. 

 

Gerome was taken aback by this. Laurent, was to say the least tense. He was rambling on trying to explain why it was not done, and Gerome could make out that his hands were trembling, his breathing was off, and he didn’t even remember to put his glasses on. “Like I said I didn’t see Inigo OR Owain today, and Chrom has been doing financial changes he really shouldn’t be allowed to make so a lot of my information was cut short and- and I- Ah,” Laurent began to slip into stutters, fearing scolding. Instead, Gerome quaintly took the journal from Laurent while saying, “It’s alright, give me what you have.”

 

Gerome flipped through it while Laurent was silent. He did not take his glasses. He looked at his knees and only responded when Gerome asked a question. His normal chattering spirit seemed to be absent due to circumstance. As for the paper, it was a wreck if one would compare it to his other entries. Scarce reports on individuals, rushed inventory work, blanks galore. It was, concerning. Not because it was not done, but because it just didn’t seem like Laurent.

 

“Laurent” Gerome questioned

 

“My apologi-”

 

“Did I not tell you it’s alright?” Gerome did not realize how offensive he sounded. “Are there any major problems that you have to talk to me about right now?”

 

Laurent mulled over it. “None I can recall.”

 

“And you are, certain of that?”

 

He nodded, ‘I would be even more distraught if there was and I did not write it in there, Gerome.”

 

To this, Gerome rubbed his eyes as there was a misunderstanding. “Let me, rephrase.” Gerome started. Talking was never his strong suit, but he could attempt it. He raised his mask to his forehead and looked at Laurent, “Are you- do not think of anything else, think of yourself -are you having any major problems that you would like to talk about?” Gerome did not see himself the caring type, he worried he was too harsh. This night had just been so off, he could not help it.

 

Laurent finally pushed his glasses on, and was lost in thought. He seemed to be rolling through options, and how long he was taking determined that none of them were ideal. “No I don’t…” Laurent bit his tongue. He wanted to keep going, he truly did. But, now that he had paused he knew Gerome would think him a liar. His throat felt like it was collapsing, as he began to speak again, “There is, one thing I’d like to ask your opinion on.”

 

That was not what Gerome was expecting, but he would take it. “Of course.” He responded, “Please, go on.”

 

Laurent was quiet, his vibe shifty and uneasy. He could not bear to make eye contact as he stumbled on, “Gerome? Do you think of me as cowardly?”

 

While not an impossible question, it did feel out of place. Nonetheless Gerome thought it over and calmly said “No. You’re curious, and wish to better other people even if there is risk involved. You are no coward, Laurent.” Gerome really was not sure why Laurent would think otherwise of himself. He knew Laurent had his insecurities, one in every fifty-seven arcthunder shots he’d likely blow them up in his own face. Not to mention the fastest way to have Laurent stop running his mouth was to have a fair face compliment his style and makeup over Gerome. But, cowardice never seemed to be an area Laurent worried over.

 

While Gerome pondered, Laurent moved onto his next question. “Assuming I am… Not a coward. Do I come off as selfish?” His voice carried an air of guilt almost. He had done nothing wrong, and the questions were only getting more bizarre.

 

So bizarre in fact that Gerome snorted over that one. “Selfish?” He could not hold back a smile, “Laurent you spend all day everyday doing the monotonous chores for this army, just so no one else has to do them!” He reached over and put his hands on Laurent’s shoulders, Gerome only liked to touch people if he engaged it. Such a motion finally made Laurent look up. “You are the most selfless man I know…” Gerome reassured him.

 

Laurent paused. On closer inspection, his eyes were near watering. Noticing such a detail broke Gerome from his partially giddy state. He flew back to concern like a goose flies after a naughty child: violently. Laurent’s words shrunk to a whisper, as he finished up “If I were to do something cowardly and selfish, and knew I had no way to redeem myself, do you think everyone would forgive me?”

 

Gerome’s hands slid off of Laurent, but he stayed just as close. He thought on it, he was not one to sugarcoat matters like this. Gerome finally picked up and said “Well, it would depend on what you mean.” The tent fell silent for awhile as they both sat in contemplation. The silence was only broken by Gerome saying, “I cannot evaluate for you unless you tell me what you mean.”

 

Gerome decided to try guessing. “Is it theft?” A no from Laurent. “Harlotry? Murder?” He kept shaking his head. “...Blackmail” Once again, Laurent gave the same silent answer. Gerome looked down and squinted his eyes in thought. 

 

“Sin?” 

 

This time, Laurent’s reaction was delayed and not as believable. Gerome was shocked at this notion, “By the gods Laurent what did you-!”

 

“I didn’t do anything!” Laurent exclaimed. “I didn’t do anything and I don’t know why I haven’t done anything when the impulsive urge have been tormenting me for what feels like eons!” Laurent did not notice when he started to cry. “And, I just want the prowess to do anything, because dear gods Gerome I want to kill myself!” He held onto the last bit, and broke into sobs that seemed to have walled up inside him until now.

 

If a situation like this would to have played out in Gerome’s head, he would see himself freezing in terror. Yet, somehow in reality he took Laurent’s shoulder in one hand, and his hand in the other. Gerome stood making Laurent follow, and walked him out of the tent in his grasp. As they went, Laurent muttered under his tears those same phrases, “I’m selfish, I’m a coward.” Gerome could only stroke his hand up and down the extent of Laurent’s arm in the moment.

 

Upon reaching Gerome’s tent, Laurent broke from his self loathing for a moment. “Why did you bring me here?” He said, with near no emotion. Gerome spoke without much thought, “Your own tent has many things to remind you of what worries you. I’m trying to get you away from that.” They ducked in, and he swiftly sat Laurent down onto a nest of presumably stolen blankets. Gerome did his best to make his voice sound kind, puberty was a nightmare on him, “What ails you, my friend?” 

Laurent’s face was almost as red as his locks. “I will be honest with you.” He said, voice wavering. “I’m not positive on a reason.” Gerome’s eyes widened in confusion, but Laurent gave him no room to speak. “You see, I have had these awful, foreboding thoughts for years. Every time I think I have come to a possible source, I try to fix it. I try and I try and eventually it is gone for better or worse!” Laurent went on griping, “But even with the issues taken care of I cannot fix it myself.”

 

Gerome brushed a tear from his companion’s face, and spoke in a low voice. “There is not always a reason,” Gerome tried to calm him down. “Also, you cannot expect these feelings to resolve themself in a day.” Laurent was trembling, it was very clear that he had no intent on telling anyone this on purpose. “And, besides, you and I both know life has thrown you for a loop. Between loss, isolation, and even just stressors from every person in this army…”

 

Laurent interrupted, “But I am suppose to take care of others! If not me who else?”

 

Gerome whispered to comfort him, Laurent was being offly brash. “You do not have to do anything, for anyone.” Gerome locked eyes with Laurent. That statement seemed to have invalidated most of Laurent’s perspective on life, and it left him rather dazed. “Also,” Gerome insisted, “for anything you like to do, you don’t have to be so perfect.”

 

To this, Gerome brought out the messy report. “Look, this your shabbiest work you have done for me since we started this, correct?” Laurent, ashamed, nodded his head. “Even if that is the case, it’s still fine. You said there is nothing overtly concerning going on right now, and most of this is still more information than I would ever have asked for!” Laurent was only growing more confused. Gerome raised the other’s chin with his hand, “You do a good job, Laurent. I do not want you to stress over one so small.”

 

Laurent blinked a few times. He could not think of a response, every word was kind and soothing. It made him feel some sort of indulgence, but in a paradox his troubles remained. “Did I not…” Laurent began to croak, “Do something wrong?”

 

“In my eyes?” Gerome asked, “Of course not.”

 

Laurent looked downward, as hot tears rolled down his face and onto his skirt. “I do not want to sound like you are unwelcome… You are, I am very thankful but,” Laurent’s voice began to break even more, “Why do you care so much?”

 

Gerome did not hesitate to answer this time. “Because, you’re my friend. I love you dearly, Laurent. It kills me to see you in such agony.” Before Laurent could even guess what was going to happen, Gerome was ontop of him embracing him. His body was warm, and it gave off a somewhat homely feeling. Laurent was, still admittedly perplexed, so Gerome offered him a proposal. “I want you, to stay with me tonight okay?”

 

Laurent was going to ask why, but he was too tired and dehydrated from his episode to fret over it. Gerome cleared some of the frazzled blankets, and offered Laurent to lay next to him if he wished. He took him up on that one as well.

 

Resting next to each other late at night, only one more tough question was asked. Gerome asked in a hush, “Laurent? Can you promise me that I will speak to you come tomorrow?”

 

As much as earlier would have left Laurent indecisive, he felt somewhat clear at mind. He was exhausted, and not to mention still not resolved from his suicidal intentions. Yet, Laurent found enough strength in himself to reply with “I will see you as always.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment of contemplation with the rising morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((so a friend found this fic and he liked it and he told me... without knowing i was the author. i felt good enough to continue it. this is for him i guess, and thats pussy babe

The sun rises with cicadas, truly a fickle creature. Being around them in the day time made it hard to notice their constant out of tune song, but they served as an unpleasant startup for most people. Yet, mere screaming cannot stir the insomniac, as he was already up. Gerome sat contently watching the sun begin to peer through a small opening in his tents flap, pillow laid in his crossed lap with his sombre guest resting like stone.

 

Odd nights past, Gerome had a moment of reflection over what he had experienced last night. His closest companion, excluding that of blood ties, admitted wanting to throw away his life without thinking of what he was saying. It was sickening, not in a sense that Gerome was mad but more that he was so shocked that Laurent’s dementia had been pent up for so long. And, if Laurent was to be believed, the only thing keeping his friend alive was the fear of being seen as a coward by everyone he held dear. It was heartbreaking, thinking about it alone made Gerome lightly stroke Laurent’s straw like hair as he slept.

 

Gerome could not say he hadn’t felt the same before. There had been many a time where he reflected on the possibility of death to relieve him from the stress that was his life; from birth to present. Stoic as he was, Gerome could find some solace in helping other people. Some sort of martyr like complex, save those of who you care for instead of not being there for them. That was what initially got him through the days, but coming closer to those he loved made him realize there was worth in living for himself. Yes, Gerome did fear existing in a time for which he did not belong. A time in which he was not born, raised, or even known - yet he now had a wish to live for his happiness. For his own happiness could be shared in that of others.

 

His self reflection was pulled aside as Laurent turned in his slumber mumbling. Gerome paused touching his fingertips to his mouth, it was hard for him to tell nowadays if he was thinking aloud or not anymore. He delicately moved the pillow from his legs, and went to sit outside in case he was disturbing Laurent’s rest.  
  
Planted firmly on the grass, feeling the upcoming warmth of the sun rise, Gerome brought himself back to contemplation. Laurent had a very black and white outlook on the situation. He could not seem to comprehend how hard these things are to overcome, especially in isolation. 

 

It was ironic, Gerome came to his own realizations of self worth and fulfillment due to Laurent’s prodding. No one really forced him to bring up his own cesspool of emotions for years at a time, but Laurent always had his light reassurances and check ups. Nowadays they were hard to notice, but originally Gerome couldn’t tell why he cared. And even if he lied about how well off he was most of the time, being asked the same caring questions everyday did open something up in Gerome. No matter if the silent, gloomy one was cold or kept away, Laurent always showed concern for him. While now he believed that others were capable of it too, he was most certain Laurent loved him.

 

And now the mage that hid behind a smile and a quill has broken down to the point of sobbing confessions. He was at his lowest, and even if Laurent was not completely aware of it he had saved Gerome from the same rut like state before. Gerome did not want Laurent to suffer alone, by now he had to be fed up with being alone,Yet, he also worried that he could not do it as effortlessly as Laurent seemed to be able too. “But yet,” Gerome broke his train of thought, “any effort should be enough to make a change…”

 

Gerome sat complacently for awhile longer, until he heard an unlatching behind him. Laurent slugged out of the tent and bid him a good morning, then tried to be along his way. Despite wanting to go, all it took was Gerome’s hand upon his chest to force Laurent to the ground as he tried to exit the tent. “Relax now,” Gerome toyed with him slightly, “It’s still early.”

 

Laurent spoke in a mumble, voice soft but not raspy, “I normally wake at this hour. For what reason could you forbid me my duties?” Despite all the drama of the night prior, Laurent’s mind was still more focused on labor than his own mental state. It hurt Gerome to watch him do this.

 

“You’re exhausted.” Gerome said in his normal grunting manner, “Try to get in a few more hours”

 

“Now wa-” Before Laurent could bicker with him, Gerome was already helping the tired mage back inside. Laurent fumbled for a good excuse, his head hurt from dehydration however and one was not coming to surface. After awhile he just found the truth spilling from his sides, “Gerome you have…” Laurent found himself staring at the floor as Gerome was helping him back into the bedspread. He struggled to vocalize what he meant.

 

“Take your time” Gerome reassured him. He felt as though Laurent’s confession moved new emotional baggage in where it was previously discarded. He was preparing in case Laurent was going to break down again.

 

“You have,” Laurent started again, “shown me far more kindness than I could ever deserve…” His voice stayed firm but he didn’t dare make eye contact. “I would hate to have you keep me for longer.”

 

Gerome did not stop in his actions even with Laurent’s comments. “It’s far from a bother Laurent, I would prefer it if you stayed.” Gerome plainly stated. Laurent was surprised Gerome still had more empathy to spare, and it lead to him being lost in his feelings. Gerome looked over, “But if you would feel better leaving it’s fine. I’m just… I’m worried is all Laurent.”

 

That was a sentence Laurent never expected to hear from Gerome. And to make it even more gut wrenching, it was about Laurent being in distress. He agreed to stay, under one condition. Laurent trailed off like he often did, half knelt in the faux bedding, “Gerome, you know I struggle to sleep now and then?” Gerome nodded with a grin, another trait they shared. “Would you mind staying in the tent… I apologize but, talking to myself is, well it’s rather…”

 

Before Laurent got to finish Gerome answered. “So long as you rest.”


End file.
